Bethlehemian Rhapsody Lyrics | Apologetix

Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
(1 Samuel 17)
Is this a real guy? Is he just fantasy?
'Cause of his grand size, no one's safe from fatality
Open your eyes, look up at Goliath, and see:
GOLIATH
I’m dressed for war, boys. I need no infantry
Because I'll meet the one you propose
Israelites, pick my foe
Anyway, I'll win, so it doesn’t really matter to me
DAVID
Mama, there's still no man who can come against this threat
You might figure now we're dead
Mama, Goliath is testing us
And now he's gonna know they’re all afraid
Mama, ooh ooh ooh, he's a mean and crazy guy
He'll come right back again this time tomorrow
Daring us, scaring us -- cause he wants to meet in battle
Hooray! My time has come
Been a shepherd all my life -- but I'm taking on this giant
Goodbye, everybody -- but not for long
God will lead me all the while I face this brute
C'mon! Ooh ooh ooh!
(David you’re a wimp though) I'm not gonna die
The One who wins my battles is Lord of all
GOLIATH
I see a little silly shepherd — not a man
What are you tryin' to prove? You’ll be chewed up and mangled!
Send a boy to fight me? Very, very tiny flea!
DAVID
Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Gonna die you big galoot!
I'll kick your butt!
I trust the Lord but nobody trusts me
CROWD
He trusts the Lord, but suffers from insanity
Daring to fight 'gainst this monstrosity
DAVID
Evil comes, evil goes -- You will get deposed
GOLIATH
I will not, no! I will not get deposed
DAVID
Yes, you will (Repeat)
Your head will roll
GOLIATH
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Come-to-me-a! Come-to-me-a! Let the eagles pick your bones
Beelzebub and his devils gonna fight for me for me for me
DAVID
So you think you can scorn me and spit at my tribe?
So you think you’re above me just based on your size?
Oh, baby ... you ain't just duelin' David
You're gonna get it now -- cause God'll win my battle here
CROWD
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
DAVID
Guys I’m really flattered — yet it wasn’t me
God wins every battle — God wins every battle for me
VOICE
David will be king soon